For those who follow me on Instagram or Facebook, it’s no
secret that my life has been a mountainous journey recently, and last year was
the toughest climb imaginable. However, after the school year ended and I
experienced an amazing summer of work and play, I finally felt like all the
hard work had paid off and I had arrived at the long-yearned-for summit.
Similarly, my favorite part of hiking actual mountains is also what comes after
a tough ascent: the peak. The summit is the best part—a place to relax, to sit
and enjoy the sunshine and the views, and to soak in the perspective that
10,000 feet above sea level provides.
So, why, in real life, do I allow myself so little time to
rest at the “peak” points, and instead feel the need to rush back into work,
scramble hectically in search of the next thing and worry myself into anxious
knots about the future? Why am I constantly concerned about what’s to come, and
give in to the fear that this high point, this rest and repose, is too good to
be true, and there must be some disaster lurking around the next bend because
there’s no way MY life could be going this well?
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have
come that they may have life and have it to the full.”
So says John 10:10, and this verse is one I’ve been
meditating upon as this next season emerges. Clearly, as highlighted above, I’m
the type of person who tends to look for what could go wrong next in life,
instead of focusing on and appreciating the good gifts in the present. I “look
a gift horse in the mouth” so to speak. When God lavishes His love and grace
upon me, I ask “but where’s the catch?” Or, for you Star Wars enthusiasts, I
react the same way that Admiral Ackbar does in Return of the Jedi, when the
rebel forces find the Emporer’s fleet waiting for them by the Death Star: “it’s
a trap!”
Thankfully, I believe this next season of surrender is one
of the beautiful kind: surrendering my persistently negative outlook and
replacing it with an appreciation of God’s good gifts to me in the present
(pun). It’s not without an active and intense struggle that I’ve come to truly
believe in and cling to the biblical truths of God’s goodness to and love for
His children. Instead of just memorizing verses that talk about these topics,
I’m truly meditating upon them and internalizing them, and am purposely looking
for their manifestation in my life.
Last time I checked, the Bible doesn’t say, “God gives
crappy things to His children,” or, “When God gives good gifts, He always makes
sure there are strings attached or He’ll take the gifts back.” NO. NOT EVEN
CLOSE. Instead, the Bible contains verses like John 10:10 above, and other
verses from the Proverbs that say “No good thing does He withhold from those
whose walk is blameless”, and from Luke 11, “Which of you fathers, if your son
asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead?” or Matthew 7, “Which of you,
if your son asks for a loaf will give him a stone instead?” These verses go on
to say that, if sinful and fallen fathers only want good things for their
children, how much MORE so does our perfect, holy God want to lavish gifts upon
HIS children?
For a brief moment during my childhood, my dad would read to
us three younger kids from the Westminster Catechism, the first component of
which is “Man’s chief end is to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever.” I’ve
since long forgotten the rest, but for some reason, this point has stayed with
me, decades later. If He’s a God who loves giving good gifts to His children,
and if every GOOD and PERFECT gift comes from above, from Him, why DON’T I take
more time to glory in what He’s given me? To enjoy His precense and His
presents? Why instead is my default to look for the harmful, the pessimistic,
and focus on the dreadful parts of the future that I’m so convinced await me?
When I let those negative thoughts rule my mind, I’m actually falling prey to
Satan’s trap. As John says, Satan came to steal, kill and destroy. He wants to
steal our joy, kill our love, and destroy our hope. He is the great distractor,
and one of the ways He does this best is by distracting me with worry and
anxiety about the future.
In contrast, Jesus Christ came that we might have life and
have it to the FULL. He is the bringer of light, of life, and of hope. He tells
us NOT to worry, NOT to be anxious for anything, and NOT to despair. This is
why, even though my bank account literally currently reads $0.29 (don’t
worry—payday is 9 days away), I feel a ridiculous and incomprehensible sense of
peace. All of my needs are met. I have food in the refrigerator, a car that
runs and can transport me to my multiple jobs; I have a warm, homey condo with
a fantastic roommate, my best friend lives a mere 5-minute drive away, and I
get to be a huge part of her kids’ lives (anyone who follows me on INstagram
knows the ridiculous love I have for those incredible children) and also
positively affect the lives of the students at my school every day. I get to
use my musical passions to sing and play for others at church, and to join in
the anthem of creation surrounding us—an endless stream of praise to the Living
God.
Not only are my needs met, but they are also EXCEEDED. I am
surrounded by a loving community, and when necessary, I can escape life on one
of the many beautiful, winding trails that populate this area. And more than
all of this, I am surrounded by God’s grace. My sins are forgiven, my future is
sure. I may not know what tomorrow holds, but I DO know the ending of the
story—Christ comes back, all wrongs will be made right, and darkness will be
turned to permanent light. I have been given SO much, and I am so blessed. And
when my brain is full to the bursting with these delights and gratitude, there
is no longer space for Satan’s attacks of despair and anxiety about the future.
Why share all of this?
Well, frankly, how could I not?
I don’t know about you, but when I receive incredible gifts
from others, all I want to do is share the story and the gift with others. I
promise this is not an attempt at a humblebrag. And I am also NOT a proponent
of the prosperity gospel. But what I DO know is that every one of us has things
in our lives fro which to be grateful, and I want to encourage fellow anxious,
pessimism-prone people like myself to choose to turn their gazes outward
instead of inward. When we do that, we realize how much we have, and how much
we can give, instead of being consumed with fear about what might be taken away
from us.
I’ve found that this—this place here of complete surrender
and finding joy in the moment at the peak of a mountain—this is a place in
which I always want to rest. With views like this, who wouldn’t?
