I have a perpetual problem of over-working myself. As a
young, single woman, I find a sense of security in financial stability, and
moving out to California put a dent in my bank account and conversely fueled my
ambitions to attack life and stuff away as much cash as possible in the coming
months. So, I currently work 6-7 days a week at five different jobs, pick up
extra shifts when I can, and am volunteering and serving at my church two days
a week. I don’t say this out of pride; in fact I say it as a word of warning:
this much work is a fast track to burn out.
By quitting my teaching job and taking some more low-key,
part time jobs, I’d hoped to have MORE and not LESS time to rest. Well, I was
wrong. This current lifestyle is racking up a higher number of work hours with
fewer breaks in the day than I had while I was teaching. My car has become my
closest companion, as I’m constantly on the go from one thing to the next, and
free time is eaten up by driving (it seems that everywhere in Truckee is a
15-20 minute drive from everywhere else I need to be) or social events. The
only benefit (and it is definitely a positive point) I’ve seen in this change
is that I’ve experienced far less emotional stress bleeding into my personal
life from my work life.
The main negative side-effect that I’ve noticed from
non-stop work apart from lack of rest, however, is that with all of the
schedule juggling and planning my brain manages and organizes every day, I have
a tendency to think that I am the one
in control of my schedule, my finances, and my future. That thought pathway has
not led to confidence, though; it’s led to more worry and anxiety, and I now
understand why: Whenever difficult or inconvenient circumstances arise, if I
think that I’m the one in charge of my life, I choose to shoulder the burdens
while forgetting that God is actually the one providing for me and taking care
of everything. It’s taken a flat tire, an infection, and two subsequent
doctor’s office visits in the span of 3 days for God to grab my attention: I am
not the one in charge; I am not god
of my life.
In my devotional on Friday, the opening line stated, “Take
time to be still in God’s presence.” I had silently nodded in agreement with
those words, thinking, Yeah, yeah, I know
I need to do that. And I will, but later, when I have more time. Well, God
definitely arranged it. Sure, I know that flat tires and infections are and can
be just a natural part of life’s rhythms. However, in this case, I truly
believe God wanted to remind me of an important lesson in a loving way: I need
to proactively carve out time to be still
and know. When I don’t, my life usually spirals out of control, consumed
with to-do lists, ambitions and busy plans. I lose perspective of Who is really
taking care of me in all situations.
I ran towards the sliding doors of the Home Depot—I’d pulled
into the nearest well-lit parking lot, and blessed the Lord that it was a
still-open Home Depot. The only other better places for a car breakdown would have
been in front of a mechanic’s shop or an O’Reilly’s or Napa Auto Parts store.
However, at 8pm on the Saturday before President’s Day, Home Depot had the
advantage of still being open. I also knew it would contain the kind of people
who could probably help me—Do-it-Yourself-ers. As I hurried in, a Home Depot
employee walked into the aisle right in front of me. I quickly approached,
explained the situation, and within minutes I had a slough of people ready to
help. Three employees were ready to help with tire irons and a jack, and two
strangers who overheard my predicament also jumped in and offered to help and
be my go-to in case something happened on my way home from Reno. We fixed the
tire without much further incident, but because it was Saturday and no tire
stores were still open, I was facing a full Sunday at home without the ability
to travel freely, especially because snow was expected that day (and came).
Driving in Truckee during a snowstorm is precarious at best, and with a spare
tire? No one is foolish enough to attempt that.
What appeared to be an inconvenience at first glance was, in
fact, a providential event. I was stuck at home, by myself, for an entire day. I couldn’t remember the last time
I’d allowed my body and mind to relax and unwind like this. I wish it hadn’t
taken a flat tire for God to force me to stay home for a day and do what’s best
for me. I have to get better at recognizing my need for solitude, rest, and
time in His Presence, and then honoring
that need. There’s a reason the Bible voices this as a command, and not just a
piece of advice: to be still and know
is a necessary practice for us. When we take time to stop life and to just be, we are able to reflect, to change
our perspectives, and to recognize that no matter what happens in life, flat
tires and all, God IS. This is why, despite a few more financial and health
setbacks, I feel refreshed and at peace that God will take care of me through
anything, no matter what.
P.S. Speaking of providence, did I
mention that the flat tire ended up being a quick, $13.50 fix? Incredible.
“He says, ‘Be still and know that I am God; I will be
exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in all the earth.’ The LORD
Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.”
~Psalm 46:10-11
