“What do I always tell you?” I gently encouraged one of my
students, “All that I expect of you is YOUR best. Not someone else’s best. I
want you to do the best that you can do; that’s all I ask. You know
that. Did you work hard?” The seven-year-old in front of me hastily tried to
blink back the tears that threatened to spill over. “Y-y-es”, she stammered. I
smiled at her, trying to meet her downcast eyes, “Then is that all that
matters?” Slowly, she nodded. “Okay,” I finished briskly, “Where do we put our
things when they’re done?” My student quickly responded, “In the ‘turn-it-in’
bin.” I nodded, and then added, “I can’t wait to read everything that you’ve
written! Nice work.” Knowing then that our short conference was over, my
second-grader turned and made her way over to the lime green basket that has
served as our “Turn-it-in Bin” for the past year or so.
I wish I could say this sort of scene was not a regular one,
but I often encounter my students in such a state after various assignments or
projects. Sometimes, it is pure frustration at how difficult the subject matter
is, but many other times, it is frustration because they think that their work
isn’t as good as so-and-so’s. I also wish I could say that this sort of scene
isn’t replayed again at adult levels, but unfortunately, it is. In fact, how
many of us, as we read this, think of a circumstance in our own lives where we
have felt similarly to this young seven-year-old? Admit it—we too, as adults,
have situations where we feel our best isn’t enough. It isn’t as good as
someone else’s, and therefore, it isn’t worth showing anyone. Well, if I
thought that way about my writing, you wouldn’t even be reading this. I am
perfectly aware of the fact that I am not even close to the level of great authors,
or even good ones, but that doesn’t stop me. If I just gave up because I’m not
the best, and because there are others better than me, then the world would be
deprived of my talents and the good gifts that I have been given. The same goes for others.
The lesson I am trying to instill in my young students is
that, if they spend their time comparing their work with others and lamenting
its deficiencies, then they will miss out on being able to be proud of what
they have accomplished. They’ll miss
out on the essential feeling of accomplishment, that which encourages us to
keep working, to keep striving, to go further than we have before. In an
article published by The Utopian Life
a couple of years ago, both dopamine and serotonin, essential for health,
positive outlook, and well-being are released when someone achieves a goal,
feels a sense of accomplishment, or reflects with thankfulness on a past
accomplishment or goal that they have achieved. Without these chemicals being
released in our brains, humans become lonely, depressed, and can lose joy and
hope in our lives. Therefore, it is imperative that students at a young age can
feel a sense of pride and accomplishment in their work. Not only will this set
a healthy foundation for further growth and brain development, but it will also
start to establish positive patterns in goal-setting and achieving.
Comparison steals joy. I see this starting at a very young
age in my students, and I also see it threaten to steal my own joy as an adult.
I see it crush dreams, destroy relationships, and ruin quality of life. Now,
I’m not saying that we all need “participation” medals and all need to feel
special for everything. I’m saying that when we work hard, achieve a goal, and
do our best, that IS noteworthy and is something to be celebrated. If we don’t,
we fall prey to comparing ourselves to others, feeling depressed because we
“can’t do anything that’s good”, and in the end will be far less productive and
encouraging individuals. So, next time you find yourself comparing, stop. Instead,
turn your mind to what you have done
that you are proud of. And learn, in humility, to acknowledge excellence in
others’ work. Don’t be afraid to admit that your passions or talents don’t lie
in the same areas as another person. That’s good. God made us all different for
a reason. But also don’t be afraid to feel accomplished and proud of the hard
work you’ve done that has led to excellence and positive results. Allow that
dopamine release. Relish in it. Then set some more goals and keep charging on.
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